Wednesday, October 15, 2014

And I remember

I periodically check my blog's traffic sources to ensure nothing weird's going on.  Sometimes there are interesting searches that lead readers to my blog.  No, I'm sorry - I don't know how to cut an umbrella skirt.  Sometimes there are sad searches, such as "fmla stillbirth." FMLA and stillbirth are not friends and it breaks my heart to see that someone was searching the internet for information on this subject.

This past weekend the following search showed up in my stats - "what to do with nursery after stillbirth."  I found myself holding my breath, remembering the crib I had so carefully selected.  The pale green walls and glossy white trim, freshly painted.  The stacks of neatly folded baby clothes in the closet, waiting to be worn.

There were 25,972 reported fetal deaths at 20 weeks of gestation or more in the United States in 2006.*  One of those babies was my daughter, Abigail.  On Saturday, June 3, 2006 I arrived at the hospital in labor only to be told that my baby's heartbeat could not be found.  

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

You can read some of my thoughts on stillbirth and grief here, here, here, here, and here.

*Taken from CDC, National Vital Statistics Report


Anonymous said...

43 years ago, Katherine, was still- born at 42 weeks gestation (post-mature??). I had the baby clothes washed and folded, the baby bed prepared, baby shower done. After all these many years later and the subsequent birth of two healthy (now adult) children, we don't forget. We bring flowers to her grave on Christmas and Memorial Day. This many years later, there hasn't been a lot of change in how family, friends and the medical community respond to such a crisis. There are some supportive and some who are just technical. When I returned from the delivery room, a medical staff person asked me if I wanted to name my baby and where I wished to bury her. We don't forget.

Lisa MH said...

I am so sorry for your loss and your friends' losses as well. I have been reading your blog for a while and went back and read all of your linked posts that you referenced in this one and I have tears streaming down my face for your pain. It must be really difficult to share such personal things.

Leslie said...

My heart goes out to you. I found your blog through a link up (I can't remember which one anymore), but I keep reading because your girls are precious and you write honestly. I lost twins at my second trimester. I'm so thankful for my oldest because I realized that no pregnancy is a given, and I'm blessed with my youngest because I wasn't sure I could have another. I feel like she healed our hearts. You never forget, though...

Sarah said...

Thoughts for baby Katherine and your twins, Leslie.

Thank you for the comments.

Juanita said...

I still have the material i very carefully picked out to use for bedding and curtains over 5 years ago, I just did not have the heart to use it for my 2nd born daughter.

I googled the stats too and saw 2.6 million stillborn deaths each year worldwide, astounding.