I have some more thoughts in my head that I want/need to write out. I honestly hate the word "stillbirth" for obvious reasons but here it is in my vocabulary. And it's not leaving.
As I mentioned in my previous post, I was not a big fan of the doctor on call at the hospital when I arrived in labor. My contractions were all over the place, sometimes only a minute apart, but they were not overly strong and I was only dilated a few centimeters. Sunday morning arrived and that is when we met Dr. G.
Dr. G was everything I never thought I would want in an OB. Ironic because he was the one who helped us through everything in a professional manner. He cared. There was never any mention of drugs or of me not reporting that my water had broken (which it had not.) We had a new theory. Maybe the baby's cord was wrapped around his/her neck.
Abbey was born free of any cord entanglement. She was perfect in every way. Dr. G discussed having an autopsy performed to see if a cause of death could be determined and we agreed. There was a time not that long ago (and by that I mean in our lifetime) when autopsies were not offered. And even today, there are hospitals/doctors that do not explain to the grieving parents that this is an option. Or they just don't perform them. In the years since Abbey's death, I know that it has changed for the better but there is still more that can be done.
We agreed to the autopsy because I didn't want people saying, "Oh, there was probably something wrong with the baby." "It was nature's way." "It was God's will." I didn't want to live with that never ending question. I needed to know because in my heart, I knew that she was healthy and that something else had happened.
As much as we wanted an answer, an explanation, a reason, Dr G explained to us that they would most likely not be able to give us one and that this might be better because if they couldn't find a reason, then maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't happen again. There would be nothing for them to look for. And there wasn't anything. All the reports came back stating that she was a perfectly healthy baby who didn't receive enough oxygen at the end.
My blood work was normal except for a slightly abnormal reading of my ANA test, which is related to illnesses and conditions such as lupus. I feared that something was hidden that no doctor had discovered but with follow up appointments with my primary care doctor, I've been told that there isn't anything.
Unbeknownst to me at the time, I had been running a low grade when I arrived at the hospital in labor. I was treated for days with antibotics because of it. From being on the internet, I can see how it may have looked like there was an infection. But there wasn't. I'm assuming that this is why that doctor kept asking me when my water broke. WHEN IT HADN'T.
Abbey weighed 7 pounds, 10 ounces but yet my placenta was small. Very small. Too small to have supported and produced such a large baby I was told. The hospital was perplexed. And so we are left with yet another question that no one will ever be able to answer. Doctors are very careful when talking theories. They won't tell you that something happened unless they know without a doubt that it happened. I am left to wonder if they didn't have all of my placenta to examine.
I recently came across a newish study that states that the risk of stillbirth increases after 40 weeks. As with every study, there are proponents and opponents. Those opposed argue that after 40 weeks, there are less women pregnant and therefore, the results are skewed. The study supposedly takes this into account already. Maybe one day when I have more time, I can link up the study and some write-ups. I find it all very interesting but I am, of course, biased.
(Sorry for another sad post. I'll post pictures of the girls tomorrow. That will make us all happy.)