My mind has been in a weird place this past month or so. My dad is still in the hospital. He has dementia, which we knew, but it has now been classified as a specific type of dementia. There's some other stuff going on and really he's at one of the best hospitals in the country but as we all know, there's only so much doctors can do, especially when it comes to Alzheimer's and dementia patients. What has been sad/scary/frustrating is his sudden decline and movement through the disease. In the past six weeks, he has seemingly moved ahead in terms of years.
So obviously, I haven't been posting anything because there's been a lot going on here at home and my mind has been elsewhere. I'm currently fighting off a cold, which was nothing but the sniffles to the girls, but wiped me out completely. This makes me somewhat useless with respect to caring for and visiting my dad as the last thing he (or anyone else at the hospital) needs is this.
I drove into Boston twice last week to sit with my dad and dealing with traffic was an absolute nightmare. Keep in mind that I need to get back in time to pick the girls up from school, which ends before 2:00, and on some days, like Friday, there is already outbound traffic at noon. I live 35 miles from the hospital and it took me just over two hours to drive in on Monday, and I completely avoided the Expressway. We are dealing with an outdated infrastructure. The roadways aren't capable of handling all the cars, the subway system and commuter rails need major improvements and regularly fail, which leads commuters to turn to their own vehicles, which in turn, clogs up the already overcrowded roadways.
Last month, I discovered that the tax role I had retired/resigned from three and a half years ago was open. Again. A piece of me wanted to reclaim what had been mine. To take it back. Because even with all the office politics and sleep deprivation and general bullshit, I was pretty good at what I did. I'm not always the best at this stay-at-home mom stuff. I don't enjoy cooking and cleaning and there are days I long for someone to hand me a tax return (my dad would say I'm crazy) but now is not the time for that. Now is the time for me to be with my family. (Plus, Rich reminded me of the less than ideal commute, and that greatly helped.)
Life is not easy.
4 comments:
I am so sorry to read about your dad, my prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.
Take care,
Hang in there. You are such an inspiration. I know you will get through this.
I am sorry to hear about your dad's health. That sounds very hard and heartbreaking. Take care of yourself and your mental health too during this difficult time. Sending encouragement from afar.
I am so sorry to hear about your dad's health. My dad also suffers from dementia (stroke triggered- frontal lobe damage). So it's personality that is vastly affected. I hope you can find rest amongst the busy days, sending you encouragement. I really have enjoyed following your blog through the years! Take care!
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