There was so much more I wanted to write on Tuesday but I wasn't in the right state of mind. I'm still not in the right state of mind but if I don't write this now, who knows when or if I ever will. This past week has been a roller coaster of emotions. In addition to Abbey's birthday and time with spent with old (but not old) friends, the girls' dance recital (and rehearsal) was last weekend. Emily's class was embarking on a small field trip Tuesday and I wanted to take the day off from work but I just couldn't swing it. At first, I thought I could move my day off from Friday to Tuesday but that would have meant missing the girls' "sneak peek" gymnastics show and they all would have been disappointed. Emily's field trip entailed walking to the town library, where parents could meet up with the class, listening to the librarian read a few books and checking out books before returning to school. Emily was so excited for the field trip and the night before asked if I could go. I told her no (which broke my heart) and she seemed okay after Grammy said she would meet her there.
I am becoming increasingly bitter and resentful towards work. I never thought it would reach a point where I wouldn't be able to take a day off. And once again, I worked another 40 hour week in 4 days so if I had taken Tuesday off, I would have been trying to cram 40 hours into 3 days. The seemingly never ending overtime pisses off the kids and Rich but yet, I'm still not doing enough at work. It's a lose/lose situation for me right now.
Rich and I attended an early morning memorial mass for Abbey Tuesday morning. The priest started the mass by saying that he sometimes likes to say the guardian angel mass and that's what the mass would be. I'm not a very good Catholic so I'm probably saying that all wrong but needless to say, I was caught off guard. How many times have you heard someone say, "It was meant to be," or, "It's God's plan," when something bad happens? That's not me. I don't believe that everything happens for a reason but I understand why others do. We all believe what we need to in order to survive. I'm not doing a good job of tying this into what I want to say, which is that we've come to think of Abbey as a guardian angel over the triplets.
I've mentioned before how I can be a bit high strung and how anxiety has somehow crept into my life since the girls were born. Part of being anxious is creating situations in your mind and then believing that these terrible things will happen just because you thought about them happening. So naturally I was a bit worried about Emily's field trip. Okay, what can go wrong? What if some dumb ass is texting and driving and not paying attention? What if this? What if that? Stop thinking!
Something did happen. How ironic. There's a gas station/garage at the end of the street where the library is located. A woman had had her tires rotated and was driving down the street where the kids were walking on the sidewalk. The garage hadn't properly attached one of the tires to the SUV so it popped off, hit a car and then came barreling towards Emily's class. The tire, thankfully, not the SUV. Later, Emily told me that when she first saw it, she thought it had come from someone's driveway. A town DPW truck was driving by and attempted to intercept the tire but failed to do so. The tire was eventually stopped by one of the moms, who was walking with the kids. She slightly injured her hand doing so. Now, while I don't think the tire could have seriously injured anyone, the SUV could have. Thankfully, it didn't come close. The police showed up and while the field trip continued, it was cut short because of the incident.
During the mass, (I think it's the homily. I asked Rich and he says he doesn't understand why I don't know this) the priest spoke of a man who had lost his eyesight to cataracts. His wife's name was Anna.
My great aunt, Anna, was a Catholic nun. I only knew her as Sister Marion and while we were never particularly close, I believe she is watching over Abbey now. Sister Marion lost her eyesight to cataracts later in life. When I try to imagine Abbey now, I still see a newborn baby. She's being held and rocked by Sister Marion. It's weird but I've always seen them that way and I don't know why.