Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Abbey

Today is Abbey's birthday.  In another world, I would be celebrating a seven year old but here now, I'm wondering what to do and how to feel.  I still grieve.  Anger and sadness still occupy space within me.  It's no longer a constant feeling and sometimes that causes guilt.  I don't suppose it ever feels "right."  There's always that question every year of what to do, how to mark the day.  As if we have to do something tangible to prove that she really did exist, if only for a short period of time.

This year was a bit different in that the craziness of life has been a welcome distraction.  I usually fight with the month of May, not wanting it to end.  My good friends and I had tickets to see NKOTB Sunday night and I was so incredibly excited for this concert and the chance to catch up with friends.  It was odd to want June 2nd to happen for that meant that June 4th and all the emotions that go along with it would follow.  

Abbey will forever be a baby to me.  I try to imagine her as a seven year old and can't.  I can only see a little girl with hair the color of honey running away from me.
 


12 comments:

Sarah said...

I want to reach through the computer a give you a hug. Thinking of you tonight.

Krystal said...

Hugs!

Wendy said...

My thoughts are with you. Huge hugs today to you, your husband, and your girls.

Anjie OfPandasAndPirates said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Yesterday was my angel Quinne's seventh birthday as well. I can relate to what you wrote. Peace be with you.

Kate said...

Happy birthday, Abbey. Thinking of you & your family.

Wendy said...

((hugs))

Christi said...

Sending my thoughts to you both on this difficult day.

Charlotte said...

is she looked like her little sisters?

Jennifer said...

((hugs))

Debbie said...

It is the same with me. I will always think of my son as a baby. I assume that is normal. I try and picture him each year as time goes on growing up...and though I try to imagine what life would be like, and the question of would his "little" sister be here if he had lived, I never find the answer to my question.
Thinking of you, and sending you warm thoughts and "hugs".

Soulja said...

May God give you His grace to bear the pain that seems so meaningless and awful... here's a mind blowing post dealing with someone who knew your kind of pain, that i came across day b4 yesterday...their life is so inspiring to weaker christians like me.
http://www.focus.org/blog/posts/saints-are-still-being-made.html

Jenn P said...

thinking of you. ~Jenn

www.twobytwomom.com