Monday, May 16, 2011

Lost

After Abbey was buried, I selected a small teddy bear from the basket of toys in her room and brought it to the cemetery. Over the past almost five years, I have witnessed first hand what the elements can do. The teddy bear faded. His fur became dirty and matted from the rain and snow.

I've watch ceramic crack and break.

When the girls were babies, I bought them Cabbage Patch Kid preemies. It bothered me that I was only buying three of them so I returned to Target to purchase one for Abbey. The box soon faded from the sun and then the plastic window cracked and disintegrated. When the box began to fall apart, I took the CPK out and placed her on the back ledge of the headstone.

A few weekends ago, we brought the girls to visit Abbey. Unfortunately, we don't visit as often as we would like/need/want to. This was my fear when we moved. We noticed immediately that the general landscaping had been cleaned up for spring. Something wasn't sitting right with me though. Something didn't look right. As we checked out everything around Abbey's headstone, Allie called out, "Her dolly is missing."

Abbey's CPK and tiny teddy bear were gone.

I don't really know how to feel about.

I feel defeated.

As we were getting ready to leave, I called the girls over and asked them if they wanted to say anything. They stood there quietly looking at the angel on the headstone. They believe that the angel is Abbey. Emily turned to me and softly said, "I want to say something."

"Okay, sweetie. Go ahead."

Looking at the angel, she said, "I love you," and then she hugged the headstone. The girls then decided to kiss the angel (Abbey) good-bye.

13 comments:

amanda said...

That truly brought on the tears. Your girls are so sweet and amazing. *hugs to you all*

Meg said...

Oh Sarah, I'm so sorry. That's just horrible! Can you ask a manager at the cemetery if maybe the landscaping crew picked items up? I would definitely mention that it's totally out of line to remove items from headstones, if that turns out to be the case. I'm so sorry ~ that really stinks (for lack of wanting to curse on your blog...). Or at least mention it because if there are thieves around... my God, who steals from headstones? Imbeciles. I hope the dolly & bear turn up.

It brought me to tears, the part Emily & Abbey. That's just so sweet and so sad at the same time. Thanks for sharing!

Chantel said...

This time of year is hard. I mean, it is always hard when we are talking about our babies born still... but May and June just are tougher. Plain and simple. All the "what was I doing 5 years ago right now.... was he starting to struggle for life right now? " It is all too hard. And to have to face things like Abbey's doll and bear missing? Makes it that much harder.

Tracy said...

Oh, this just made my heart ache... God bless you all!

April said...

Big hugs...this hurts my heart.

mommytocutiepie said...

Oh Sarah, I'm so sorry. My heart is weeping. There are no words. I wish I can give you a big hug. Thanks so much for sharing. And Emily is so sweet for saying that and giving the angel a hug. Sometimes kids know just what to say and do when grownups are at a loss for words.

Becky said...

Today we finally buried Liam and I wanted so badly to buy a bunch of stuff to lay out by his grave but so afraid of it getting ruined or it disappearing. Sorry to hear the the CBK and bear are missing.
Your girls are really sweet that they hugged and kissed Abbie's headstone, especially Emily saying "I love you."

Hope's Mama said...

Heartbreaking post. This is why I never leave anything at Hope's grave, as I'm so scared of the things being removed or stolen. Our cemetery actually doesn't allow anything other than flowers to be left anyway, but a lot of parents do leave toys and trinkets at their babies' graves. I wish I went more often as well. Your little Emily stole my heart today.
Bless her. Bless all of them.

Souza Sisters said...

Sorry to hear about the CBK and bear. Your girls are so sweet. We have been talking to our girls about their brother and sister that are in heaven. Maggie tells me all the time that she misses them.... (((HUGS))) to you

Denise said...

My deepest sympathies for your loss. Your story brought tears to my eyes too. I found your blog from another blog I follow. I am now following your blog too. You see, I am an identical twin myself. My mother was told she could not conceive without having surgery so my parents chose not to prevent and they got pregnant right away with my brother who is 1 year and 2 weeks older than my sister and I. The doctor claimed the pregnancy was a fluke and would never happen again. They believed him. She found out she was pregnant again and thought that pregnancy was lost when she was 4 months along. The doctors told her “Oh you must have lost the twin. You’re still pregnant”. The day before we were born, the doctors took an x-ray to reassure my mother that she was just having one big baby. She was so hysterical (due to my brother’s age and knowing she would have two infants) she ended up going into labor and delivered us one month early. She didn’t believe the doctors any more. Triplets fascinate me since I should have been one so I will enjoy reading your posts. I hope you will follow me back http://talesfrommyjournal.blogspot.com

Olivia Grace said...

This just brought tears to my eyes! What sweet angels you have, such blessings! I hope that you feel peace and love in your heart today and everyday. You have a beautiful heart and your posts always fill my soul with inspiration@!

Andrea said...

Your girls are so sweet you and your husband are raising amazing kind girls.

Wendy said...

oh Sarah ((hugs))