In search of Zen

The girls returned to school last week and I somehow expected a magical unicorn to usher me to the promised land.  That obviously didn't happen.  I stressed myself out in the days leading up to the start of school due to the unorganized state of our home.  When I left work, I'd had visions of how this school year would proceed and an organized home was essential to making that happen.  The girls would complete their homework at their desks.  I wouldn't walk into a room and find a random school paper wedged under a piece of furniture.  I rushed around in the days leading up to the start of school and managed to clean enough for the house to reach an acceptable state but there is still a lot more to be done.  This house survived for eight years with cleaning on an as needed basis. 

In the scheme of life, this shouldn't really matter.  I know.

I hate how I had a different mindset after Abigail passed away.  I'm high strung and always will be but when Abigail died, I felt like I had learned my lesson, so to speak.  But here I am back to freaking out over stupid crap.  And then, to make me feel more like a jerk, devastating news regarding a former colleague's daughter made its way to me.  I know what it's like to wish your heaviest burden was cleaning.  

I'm trying really hard to relax, enjoy life and see the beauty through all of this chaos.  Even when the children ask for 275 hugs over the span of an hour before they'll finally go to sleep and then one can't fall asleep and she doesn't know why but it will all be okay if I sleep in her bed with her.  I know I'm so incredibly lucky to be asked for 275 hugs.    

    

Speaking of chaos, our house is falling apart.  But I'm not stressing out.  Our central air died last week and it was partially our fault because it was overdue for maintenance, but partially not our fault because it was the cheapest unit you could possibly buy and almost to the end of what would be a normal life.  So, yeah, the entire thing needs to be replaced.  Bye bye, money.  We also have a big hole in the kitchen wall because there's an unspecified leak, presumably from the girls' bathroom, which ran down a pipe and soaked the drywall.  I was planning to repaint the kitchen anyway.  

Okay, so here are my cuties on their first day of school.  Everyone's healthy.  Everyone's happy.  We march onward.