Call me naive but I didn't realize until recently that blogging to create envy was a thing. I understand how unappealing it would be if one was constantly writing about negatives, especially negatives that may seem trivial to others, but it feels like there's a Catch 22 involved when it comes to blogging. Too much one way and readers think that you are fake and only showing the very best. Too much the other way and you are viewed as a whiner. The first blogs I read belonged to triplet parents and stillbirth parents and both types were very real. How could they NOT be real? That was my introduction to blogging and the path that I eventually followed. I'm not a fake person in real life so why would I be one online? Although, sometimes I wonder if the readers push the bloggers in a certain direction. I've received a few comments here asking why the girls' hair looks messy. Because it's 105 degrees with 100% humidity and we've been walking around Magic Kingdom all day. I'm not going to redo their hair for blog photos. Sorry, not sorry. (Is it no longer cool to use that statement? Is it no longer cool to use the word cool?)
So all this is to say that I've been feeling a little low as of late. I can't really pinpoint why but I will say that it's midlife crisis season. I've been thinking about my career and how it feels like I just have a job now, not a career. What happened? Did I give up? Did the people above me give up? Did Crazy Cat Lady beat me down so badly that I lost faith in myself? Being a working mom is beyond difficult. I haven't been able to find balance. I feel guilty for missing work when it's for a reason other than scheduled vacation time. I think there's a certain stigma that surrounds the classification of "working mom." Like maybe you're okay with status quo because you have those home responsibilities too.
So that's kind of where my mind's been lately. The monotony of the daily grind can wear you down. Especially when the weekends revolve around laundry and cleaning, cleaning and laundry. Even my photography, my creative outlet, has left me feeling blah. It's so hard to not feel jealous watching what some other photographers are doing with opportunities I'll never be able to create for myself. Midlife. Crisis. Such a weird place to be. Maybe I just need to train for a marathon or something.