Sunday, October 18, 2015

Stillbirth

In the back of my mind, I knew that October 15th was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day but I was focused on the fact that it was also a large tax filing deadline for me at work and I needed to ensure any outstanding returns were filed.  I was also in a mood and feeling that every day for some of us is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day so why should there be only one day a year for everyone to remember when there are those of us who carry this weight every single day.  And then when I logged on to FB that night, there was one of those share this memory from 5 years ago staring at me and of course it was related to Abigail and stillbirth and I irrationally became angry at FB for its insensitivity.

The next day, there was an email from Rich.  A friend of a friend type situation.  A loss.  Advice sought.  And so I sat at my desk fighting back tears because sometimes it hits you all at once.  Your regrets.  Your pain.  Your memories and the future that left the day you became one with grief.

We don't want friends and family to forget, to act like our babies never existed.  Avoidance doesn't give us comfort.

Feel what you want to feel, not how others expect you to feel.

Grief is a heavy burden to carry, but it changes with time.  You become stronger in order to carry that grief.

People are going to spew out statements, right or wrong, because they just don't know any better.  Learn to let it go.  There are bigger battles to be fought.

Whether it's October 15th or any other random day, remember the babies.  Remember the mothers and fathers, the parents.  Never take life for granted. 

2 comments:

BreezieGirl said...

<3

Siné said...

October 15th is so bittersweet. There is something beautiful about mothers and families acknowledging their lost children together and providing support for one another. It also, at least for me, is really hard to remember all the grief I have experienced since losing 3 of my little ones. Grief is a hard road to walk every day. Praying for you.