Thursday, November 6, 2014

Where I fall ill and feel like I'm dying

To quote Emily, "Is this sickness ever going to end?"

This week saw the unfortunate collision between Sarah, Working CPA and Sarah, Caregiver of Sick Children.  I've been feeling burnt out lately and I can't point to one specific incident or occurrence that's lead to this.  It's just been everything all rolled up into one chaotic, stressful mess.  I often feel like I'm being pulled in too many directions at once.  I sometimes feel disconnected from the girls' schoolwork and activities.  I feel like I need a break.

It took Emily a good week or so to fully recover from that nasty stomach (or whatever it was) virus.  Even after she returned to eating normally and to school, she was really tired in a way that caused me some concern.  She's fine now.  So we had almost a week of somewhat healthy children.  I slept in my own bed all night for two nights a row - can't remember the last time that happened.  And then the girls had their flu vaccinations.  Because Allie has allergy induced asthma, she has to get the flu shot while Emily and Anna get the mist.  Twelve hours after the flu shot, in the middle of the night, Allie became sick.  All of what she was suffering was listed as potential side effects of the vaccination on the information sheet provided to us by the pediatrician's office.  In other words, it was like she had the flu.

I was the one sleeping in her bed with her at night, sometimes for my own comfort rather than for hers.  As she slowly began to return to her former self, I began to feel more tired than usual.  After a few days, I knew it was coming.  I'm going to get sick.  I'm going to get sick.  And then the other night, after a day of pure exhaustion, it hit me hard and down I went.  It felt like I had the flu.

So here I've been, bedridden for two days, which would sound like a dream to my non-sick self but being ill and stuck in bed for two days is just not good.  You know you're sick when your entire body hurts but you can't even get up to get yourself some painkiller.  (Thankfully, I'm beyond that point now.)  I've had to rearrange my scheduled time off from work.  I've had to stress about work.  I'm stressed over whether or not I'm going to be able to go into work tomorrow My commute is not I-don't-feel-so-good friendly.  There's the crowded train, the train schedule, the walk.  Ugh.  Anna told me that I need to stop working before her ninth birthday.  That leaves me a year and five months to sort it all out.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I've been there and have had the same request to stop working. Unfortunately, that is not an option. *sigh* Hang in there and know you are not alone. At least it's Friday.