Friday, May 9, 2014

May

I've resolved that my dislike for the month of May revolves around the fact that at the end, I'll be faced with Abigail's birthday and her death.  I find myself digging my heels into the ground in an unreasonable attempt to stop time from passing.  And with all that I need to do, I wander, waste time and ultimately accomplish nothing.  A few hours at home by myself?  Yes, I think I'll take a nap.  I'll just read a few more pages of this book.

This May, in particular, is stressing me out.  It's a busy time at work and hey, guess what?  I'm back to working full time.  Yeah, I know.  There's a somewhat complicated back story that I'm not at liberty to discuss but I will say that my work situation is much improved from a year ago.  (I no longer feel like I'm on Survivor:  The Office Edition.) But I still struggle with balance and finding time for it all.  This month is especially busy (Field trips! Jury duty! Doctor's appointment! Spring concerts!) and feels even more so because of how much I need to finish at work in addition to transitioning back to full time.

Then there's the uncanny timing of this movie's release.  While I'm happy that there is a movie, an acknowledgement that this happens and isn't something to be swept under the rug, I'm not so sure I want to watch it.  I've lived through it and it's real life to me, not a movie.

I'll survive.  I know.  I hit this rough patch every year but yet, I'm still here, writing about it.    



6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am the praying type and I just want you to know that I will be praying for you this month. I had an early miscarriage a few years ago and I can't imagine losing a child after carrying them to term. I will pray for peace for you as her birthday approaches.

Sarah said...

Thank you.

maureen said...

I just watched the trailor. I will probably watch the movie, or record it and watch later, I don't know.

Just wanted to say I think about your family, praying for your strength and peace and joy.

Wendy said...

love you, Sarah.

Anonymous said...

Hi Sarah, There is a great podcast series called the Longest Shortest Time that does episodes about parenthood. The latest episode was a beautifully told story of a woman's experience with stillbirth. I am so glad there are women like you and her out there giving voice to this important issue. Thinking of you and Abigail, especially this month.

Chantel said...

You know I am right here with you....May sucks. I am tired of hearing about the movie, everyone keeps telling me to watch it, or read this article about a stillbirth, or this post or that post...I lived it. I know how it feels already...and it is hard enough.