Saturday, July 28, 2012

On being a bad mother

Rich's current status of stay at home dad/MBA student/CPA exam candidate is temporary and he has been searching for a new job.  I don't mind him being at home.  In fact, it makes life easier for me and Grammy and reduces some of the stress of raising three young children.  Unfortunately, because I am working, I carry the stress of that with me.  All the time.  I have to contend with politics, fear, competition and attempting to balance and manage a 4 day work week with the expectations of others.  These feelings can't be turned on and off like a light switch.  They occupy space in my brain and sometimes take over.

Like yesterday.

There was work stuff going on.  (And I hate to be vague because it annoys me when others are vague but when it's work related, I have to be.)  And I was stressed out.  We took the girls to see Brave (which they really liked but it had some scary bear scenes) and we were gone from home much longer than I expected, which added to my stress.  I was snappy and moody, which meant that Rich was snappy and moody.  It sucked.

When we returned home, I went upstairs to the quiet of my bedroom to work.  Shortly before the girls' baths, Allie appeared in my room and climbed up on the bed.  I patted the pillow next to me and told her cuddle.  That was fine for a minute or two and then more kids appeared and everyone started acting silly.  Jumping, bumping, rolling.  What 5 year olds do.  Not conducive to work though.

Things quieted down and I was left with just Allie on the bed next to me.  As I concentrated on the laptop screen, she held Elmo up to me and said, "Elmo loves you."

In that moment, everything was okay.


Debbie Hein said...

In that little moment, a child made it all right. That is the wonder of them. Just as they turn to us for comfort and making it right, we can find it in them. The difference, as least I think so, is that we struggle to find the right thing to say or do because we want to be sure it is "right". Somehow, in their innosence, they just get it right. Without even thinking about it, Allie just did it. With a little help from a friend...

Shannon said...

I have written a post similar to this but I have not been able to hit 'publish' just yet. Like you, I can easily get cranky and annoyed when I'm trying to get something done and being "bothered" by the kids. And inevitably, I feel guilty instantly. It's great when we can have these little moments...a little "time out"...and know that everything is okay.

Wendy said...

Hope today is a better and less stressful day. Love that Allie made you feel better. My daughter has a way of doing that, too :)