Monday, June 4, 2012

6 years

I suppose it started on Memorial Day.  The memories.  The feeling of wanting time to stand still.  Walking day by day through the week as it happened six years ago.  I hate to say this but I'll be glad when today is over.  When I open my eyes and find that it is June 5th.

Today was somewhat bitter all around.  The temperature dropped 15-20 degrees below normal to hover around 50-55 degrees for the entire day.  It rained and even with an umbrella, the wind blew a chilly mist into my face.  An extra bitter bite.

Both Allie and Em fell ill yesterday and last night was horrible.  They both started with that constant vomiting around 10:30 and while holding a puke bucket isn't pleasant, that's not what made it so terrible.  I was so very worried over their health.  I absolutely hate when they are sick because it gives me such anxiety.

We had scheduled a memorial mass for this morning but we were unable to attend as a family because Em and Allie were still throwing up.  I went by myself before heading into work.  And it wasn't really a good day at work either.  The bitter bite continued.  Rich reminded me to remember what's important.  I did find myself calmer than usual.

The girls asked a series of tough questions yesterday.

"Why did she die?"
"How old was she before she died?"
"She didn't get to grow like us?"

Today was just a normal day for so many people.  Not for me.  My first born daughter should have been celebrating her 6th birthday.

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

Many hugs to you today.
michelleJ

Kate Giovinco Photography said...

I thought of you today. I am so sorry Abbey isn't celebrating her 6th birthday and another year has passed.

Wendy said...

Many hugs...I'm so sorry.

Laura said...

Hugs to you.

Mommy (Kelli) said...

Hugs. There aren't really words... : (

Anonymous said...

Thinking about you. Hugs yo you and your family.

Jennifer said...

((HUGS))

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Debbie Hein said...

Thought of you so many times today. The only thing I can say is that I know how it is, and I understand. I am so sorry that the girls were sick adding to an already stressful day. For years after Timmy was born it snowed on his birthday. Just as it did on the day he was born. We were always trying to clear the snow off his grave. Bad weather always makes a rotten day even worse. I hope that tomorrow is a better one for you, and that the girls are feeling better. Hugs to you.

Jessica said...

Many hugs and thoughts to you and your family.

Jayme said...

Thinking of you...

Julia said...

I am so sorry.

Anonymous said...

(((HUGS)))

JEN said...

Blessings and prayers.

EWO said...

Thinking of you - I'm sure it's tough every day but anniversaries are particularly hard. Abby is lucky to have such amazing parents and three beautiful sisters who think of her and talk about her often.

Cindy said...

Thinking of you all and sending prayers and hugs. I am so sorry. Happy birthday, Angel Abbie.

Marion said...

Ugh. So so sorry. Thinking of you and hope everyone is on the mend.

Chantel said...

We left a flower for Abbey again this year... I will post more on my blog soon about Curtis' birthday, but here is a link to the youTube video of us putting a flower in the Angel's hands for her.

http://youtu.be/oZBTcbv4fcE

Karen said...

sadness.

Wendy said...

<3 love you

Anonymous said...

Your poor girls get sick so often-I'm very sorry! God bless you and your family and your sweet baby in heaven. You are so full of strength.

Anonymous said...

There is nothing I can say. I just wanted to let you know this anonymous fan of your blog is thinking of you, your family and especially your precious daughter.

Sarah said...

I want to thank everyone for your kind comments. It means a lot to know that others who don't really "know" us feel our sorrow.

Chantel - I haven't emotionally been ready to watch the video yet. I was thinking of you last week. Thank you for thinking of Abbey.

Anonymous said...

Chantel, I just watched your video. That was so sweet of you and your family. Thank you.
Abbey's Grammy

Kelli said...

I am so so sorry. I can't really express in words how I feel for you, just as I can't imagine what life has been like for you but you and your girls are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hope's Mama said...

Deeply sorry I'm so late to this. I want you to know I was thinking of Abbey on her day, just sorry I didn't get a chance to stop by and let you know.
She is loved and missed, Sarah.
xo