Saturday, May 26, 2012

Last week's 20%

Last week, I moved my day off from Friday to earlier in the the week so that I could go with Rich to Anna's twice rescheduled appointment with her new GI doctor.  That was the original plan.  Grammy had the opportunity to fly to Michigan to visit her family and because my grandfather's health is declining, we encouraged her to go.  Unfortunately, this left with us with no one to bring Little Cats A and C to their dance class, which was the same time as Anna's appointment.  So we changed our plans, which happens quite frequently when you have children.  

If the appointment had been anywhere but in Boston, I would have taken Anna by myself.  Long story short, it was decided that Rich would accompany Anna to her appointment while I would bring A and C to dance class.  We briefly discussed bringing all three in for the appointment but cramming a family of 5 into a small examination room isn't very productive.

As I combed Anna's hair that morning, I told her that the doctor just wanted to talk to her and Daddy and that he may feel her tummy but there wouldn't be any ultrasounds or needles or big tests or machines.  She nodded her head in acknowledgement and then quietly repeated what I had told her.  She's so quiet sometimes. I wish she would talk more about what's going on in her mind.  Maybe that's too much to ask of a five year old?

It took her forever to decide upon which shoes to wear and then to actually put her shoes on.  As I walked her out the front door to where Rich was waiting in the yard, she turned to me and said, "Mommy, you take me to the doctor.  Daddy can take sissies to dance."  Crap.  I was standing there unshowered, in my pajamas and it was past the time when Rich really wanted to leave.

So Anna was fine without me.  I had some Mommy guilt though.  The appointment went well.  This doctor definitely made an effort unlike the previous doctor who told us that she was holding in her poop.  Those of you who have kids with spina bifida are surely laughing at that right now.   How can you hold it in when you HAVE NO CONTROL AND CAN'T FEEL A DAMN THING?

Little Cats A and C at dance class.  Well, really before and after dance class.  No parents allowed in the room during class.




I wish Anna-Bug was in these pictures too.


The rest of the day was very difficult.  Anna was acting out as she sometimes does.  I don't want to get into a whole big discussion on it.  It sucks.  I just wish that she would voice her feelings instead of attacking one of her sisters or flipping out because the color plate she wants is dirty.  We just want her to be happy.


Jessica said...

I don't know what it's like to have a child with spina bifida, but I do know the feeling of not being able to help your child due to medical issues. We do our best to make their lives as joyful as possible, at the same time comfort them in all ways. That is all we can do.

Your daughters are gorgeous! You can tell they love to dance!

Debbie Hein said...

Hang in there, Sarah. It is so hard to want so much for our kids, and not know how to make the world better for them. But, you keep trying, and she knows that.

Jenniffer said...

Are you and Rich ever able to have one on one time with each child to just give them undiveded attention and let them get their thoughts out there. Anna may let things out if she has a special private time where you have a converstion

Samantha said...

One of my boys acts out because he has difficulty expressing himself. It is so frustrating for all of us. Very interesting how his identical brother has no problem with this.

Lily said...

These pictures might be my favorite pictures of your girls yet! Wish anna was in them though :(

Leslie said...

I found your blog through Kelly's Korner several months ago. I've never commented before, but I love your posts and pictures. My daughter has Apraxia, which makes her speak differently than other children It's not nearly as serious as what your Anna is going through, but she gets upset sometimes about being different from other children. It makes me hurt for her, but I truly believe that this has made her a stronger person. I admire her so much for everything she has overcome. Hang in there - I remember 5 being very hard for my little girl (she's 7 now). Maybe it takes a little while for them to be able to express what they are feeling?

Michelle said...

Just want to say thanks for all your info on spina bifida in your blog - my friend asked me last night 'what is spina bifida?' and I was proud to be able to tell her after learning about it right here, so thanks!

BreezieGirl said...

Great pictures and glad to hear the appointment with the new doc went well.

Are they little cats A & C because they were Baby A and Baby C? I'm just curious as to why C and not E. :)

Sarah said...

Thank you! Jennifer - we do have alone time. Sometimes it's just here in the house- like Anna and I were alone upstairs for a bit the other day and she asked to help me put laundry away. In effect, she had alone time with Rich on the drive to and from the doctor. I don't think she's there just yet in terms of expressing her feelings.

BreezieGirl- yes, birth order! Babies A and C Dr. Suess for the Little Cat reference.

BreezieGirl said...

I like it :)