Saturday, October 15, 2011

Thoughts

I can't fall asleep at night unless I tip toe into the girls' bedrooms and check in on them before I crawl into my own bed.

oct15a

I listen to their breathing, still so much like that of a baby.

oct15b

Sometimes my thoughts wander and I wonder if they would be here if Abbey hadn't been taken from us. Some have told me that they wouldn't be but really, how do they know?

oct15c

Sometimes I have to turn my brain off because it is simply too much to think about.

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

I wish that I could have spent today in good spirits but the day felt disappointing. Almost like when you expect to win something and you don't even come close. But tomorrow is a new day and hopefully I can adjust my attitude and carry on with patience and less anger towards the world.

In remembering Abbey, there is also a list of babies whose mommies I have come to know online and have thought about today. We are all connected and somewhere there is a place where all of our babies are together, waiting for us.


(Copying my photos is a violation of copyright laws, which is a federal offense. You do not have my permission to copy my photos or my writings.)

8 comments:

Katie McKnight said...

I love the little breathing, they always seem so much younger when they sleep. I check in on my girls too, usually when my husband is working nights and have the same thoughts as you.

xoxo for today, for what you've gone through. Sadly too many of my friends share in this group.

And I can't believe people actually tell you the girls wouldn't be here if Abbey was... don't they think before they speak?

amanda said...

Awww such peaceful looking sleepers. I hope their nights go well. :)

Amy said...

You're right, how do you know if the girls wouldn't be here if Abbey had survived. And I know they mean it as some type of consolation, but really, how is it? If Abbey had lived, you would've loved her like you love the girls, and if they hadn't been born you wouldn't have missed them b/c you never would've known of their existence. You can't miss what you never knew existed, but you can miss Abbey because she did exist. It's like a false condolence.

Belinda said...

Sarah, I know Piper and Abbey are playing together in Heaven and waiting to see us again, but that doesn't make our pain any easier. I think about you often, read your blog daily, and think your girls are amazing!

Chantel said...

From what I know...they would have been here. Plain and simple. Claudia would have been here, Cole would have been here had Curtis lived. I dont know how timing works or anything like that, but they were to be your daughters. Just like Abbey. Destined to be so.

Hope's Mama said...

I remembered Abbey this weekend. I wont forget her.
xo

Heather said...

The little breathing takes my breath away. So simple, so often taken for granted, but so wonderful.

And I agree with Katie-some people simply don't think before they speak. There is nothing anyone to can say to make it better that your baby couldn't stay here in this world and be with you.

desarli said...

Hugs