We, as parents, quite often must sacrifice our dreams. We make decisions based on what we feel is best for our children and our families in the long run. Some mothers want to work. They like being out of the house, using their minds and interacting with other adults on a day to day basis. Others may feel that work is draining but a necessity to providing financially for their families.
Rich dropped the girls off at school yesterday morning to allow Grammy some extra time off. Extend her weekend by a few hours, if you will. Dropping the girls off at school means catching a later train into the city and arriving at work around 10:00. For me to do so, I would have to catch an equally later train that evening, which would mean arriving home at the precise time the girls are falling asleep. In which case, mass chaos would ensue.
So at 7:15 yesterday morning, I had the choice of either running out the door to catch my train or calming down Anna who was in the midst of a crying fit. Ten minutes earlier, she had asked me for a piece of paper. When I handed her one on my way back upstairs, she yelled out, "No!" and started crying. There was never any explanation for why she became upset.
I missed my train because I could not walk out the door with my baby on the floor trying to wedge her head under the couch. She calmed down fairly quickly and asked me to make her breakfast, which I did. I also fixed her hair for school. And Em's. And then caught the next train to Boston.
This morning, Anna wanted me to hold her as I rushed to pack my food for the day and tie up my commuting sneakers. I obliged and Emily joked that Anna wanted to go to work with me. When I passed Anna to Grammy's arms so I could leave, she started crying. And continued to do so as we drove down the street.
Main Street in our town has many empty store fronts. A sign of the times, I suppose. Over the past four years, we have witnessed several stores open and close their doors within a short time frame. I've been known to say, "The rent isn't too bad..." I've been known to have crazy dreams. To me, sewing is making a comeback. Look at the popularity of Etsy and custom made clothing. What if I took some of our savings and opened a fabric shop slash boutique with an online presence? What if the shop also offered sewing lessons?
The risk of failure is too high. There are no benefits, no paid vacations, and in this economy, I may as well just flush my kids' college tuition down the toilet.
There are similar issues with professional photography. To go from a salary of $X to one of 10% of $X isn't feasible.
Anna greeted me in the front hall when I returned home from work this evening. I could sense that she needed some special time with me so I had her help me ready a pot of eggs to boil and then we read some books on the couch before tubby time.
On a good night (i.e., one where I am home early), I am lucky to have 45 minutes with the girls before we begin bedtime fun.