Sunday, June 5, 2011

Five years

Yesterday was Abbey's fifth birthday. Five years later and I still don't even know how to refer to the day. Besides difficult. It is the day she was born but should we say that it is her anniversary? She really died on June 3rd and June 2nd was our last day together. When you pull those days together, you end up with a string of time that massively sucks.

I never know what to do on her birthday. Nothing ever feels right. This year we decided to do something fun as a family because if she was here, we would be doing something fun to celebrate her birthday.

We had brunch at the local breakfast place. The girls were fairly well behaved and our timing was perfect in terms of not having to wait for a table.

We then visited the cemetery after brunch. Rich spent some time trying to clean up the growth around the flowers we planted a few weeks. Again, no matter what we do there, it just never looks right.

As we were getting ready to leave, a butterfly fluttered around us.

Rich purchased season passes to the Roger Williams Zoo so we decided to visit there for a few hours in the afternoon. The weather was absolutely amazing - bright and sunny, not hot but not chilly. I really like the idea of having season passes now. We didn't feel like we had to spend the entire day there like when we buy tickets just for the day. The girls enjoyed our visit. It was just enough time for them to see some animals without draining them. Or us.

And so another year passes. It's weird.

15 comments:

Goddess in Progress said...

I can't even begin to imagine what a conflicted day this must be for you. I don't have any good words of comfort or ideas to share with you. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this with us.

Anjie said...

Yesterday was my angel daughter's birthday as well. I can relate to how you feel. Many ((HUGS)) to you and your family. I'm sure Abbey is well loved and remembered by many.

Souza Sisters said...

Thinking of you, your family and Abbey. (((HUGS)))

Amy said...

I know just how you feel. Doing nothing feels wrong, but whatever you do feels weird also. In the end, I think if you just do what feels right at the time, it's right.

Becky said...

Thinking of you and your family on Abbey's 5th birthday!

Hope's Mama said...

I was thinking of you yesterday and came to visit your blog in case you'd posted (I was a bit early, but we do have a massive time difference). I can only imagine it gets weirder as the years tick by. We're coming up three years, and I have no idea what to make of things this year, not to mention I will be 38 and a half weeks pregnant again (or possibly already have a newborn with me?)
Remembering Abbey always. Simply, I wish she was here. I know she would have loved the zoo. What five year old doesn't?
xo

Alice said...

Thinking of you. I think that was a great way to spend your day.

Wendy said...

She would be the best big sister <3

julie said...

Hi, I don't know you personally but can relate. We lost our first child at birth 5 years ago this past Jan. I found your blog through another because we are currently expecting our fourth baby who has spina bifida. Praying God's blessings as you remember your little one. Julie

tbonegrl said...

Thinking of you. Lots of love.

Ami said...

Sorry to hear this is such a tough day for you Sarah. I can't even begin to imagine how hard that would be. You're such a great mom to continue to have her be such a prominent remembrance so the little girls will know about her all their lives. Hugs to you.

JEN said...

Thinking of you all and Little Abbey.

ANNA B. said...

Hi- new blog reader here. I enjoy reading about your family. I have a friend who lost her baby during childbirth and every year on her birthday she calls it her "Angelversary". Thinking of your family.

Meg said...

I've been out of town without Internet so I'm sorry my comment comes a little late. I thought of you this weekend and hope it went by okay. I'm so sorry that your family has to endure such difficult days. I know that as Abbey's Mom, the depth of pain is that much greater. Totally a great idea to "celebrate" her by doing something fun! :) {{HUGS}}

Sarah said...

Thank you all for your warm comments.

Anjie - I'm thinking of you and your angel.

Oh my goodness, Julie - I am praying for your baby.