In some unspoken way, Rich and I both agreed to tell the girls about their older sister from the beginning. Well, really, what were we supposed to do? Hide that she ever existed and then one day when they are older, surprise them with it? I refuse to hide the fact that she died and that she was born so the girls know about her but they obviously just don't understand.
The girls have been asking questions with respect to everything lately. Each answer provided leads to yet another question. You would be amazed at how difficult it can be to answer some of these questions. Their thought process is incredible.
Last weekend, we purchased flowers (purple per Allie's request) at the nursery and headed over to the cemetery to plant them around Abbey's headstone. It had been some time since the girls had been there and for this visit, we allowed them to walk around and help us.
As with all typical three year olds, they were a bit curious and I really had to keep an eye on them to ensure that they didn't swipe items from other sites. What I found so touching and heartbreaking at the same time was that they all wanted to touch Abbey's toys and angels that are lined up along the back of the headstone. They took turns reaching over and touching the top of each item, their little fingers lingering for a just a moment.
The girls asked questions. "Where is Abbey?" I always tell them that she is in heaven and that leads to more questions. "Can we go see her?" Please God no, not now. "No, honey, we can't see her now. Someday, we will see her."
Etched on Abbey's headstone is a baby angel cradled in two hands. When it was time to leave, I told the girls to say goodbye. Allie ran back to the headstone and started waving while saying goodbye. She then reached over and placed her hand against the baby angel on the headstone and asked, "Who is holding her?"
- One out of 100 to 150 babies is stillborn.
- More than 50% of stillbirths occur in the third trimester.
- 15% of stillbirth deaths occur during labor and delivery.