I said I wasn't going to do it, babyloss blogging that is, but here I am again, babyloss blogging. Well, not true babyloss blogging as most of us are attuned to. Just general comments, I suppose.
Imagine a baby website. Well, no need to imagine really because this one actually exists. And many of my readers will know exactly which one I am referring to. This website contains message boards and blogs and other ways for moms or moms-to-be to connect. There are more than thirty-five message boards, with a range of topics for those considering trying to conceive to those in each of the three trimesters to those with six to twelve month old infants to those with toddlers older than two years. Out of all those message boards, there is one for "miscarriage/pregnancy loss." One.
Now I know what some of you are thinking - But there are websites just for women who have lost their babies. I'm sure there are a variety of websites specifically just for those with early pregnancy miscarriages all the way up to full-term losses. (And by the way, I try not to use the words "lost" or "loss" in the real world but I usually end up using them anyway because that's what everyone uses. I didn't lose my baby; she died.)
My issue is that it feels to me as if society as a whole is still trying to hide the fact that these "losses" occur. The main page of this baby website features birth stories, pregnancy stories, and the like. Here's a sample of some of the birth story titles: "Hailey's Early Arrival," "Jack's Long Delivery" and "Caitlyn's Luck-Filled Birth." What about the unlucky births? The silent births?
How many women know what happens when a full-term baby passes away? Some may think that you are knocked out and wake up hours later, the baby no longer attached to you. That's not how it happens. I know how many don't know what happens because I've been asked. Many times.
I thought about posting a birth story on that baby website. And not the triplets' birth story either. I'm sure it wouldn't make the main page. I thought I could be clever and write the whole story as it happened, leaving out the fact that my baby would never cry until the end of the story. Unfortunately, I can't do that there (or here) right now for unblogable reasons.
I agree that there is no reason to scare women into believing that something horrible may occur during their pregnancy. Have you ever noticed how doctors use percentages when discussing these "wrongs"? For example, a woman who successfully reaches the beginning of her second trimester is most likely told by her doctor that the chance of something going "wrong" at that point is less than 3%. It would sound a lot different if that doctor said that three out of one hundred babies won't be born alive. Wouldn't it?
Back to educating. Women need to be educated not scared or intimated. How many know how to properly count fetal kicks? What they should be counting? When they should be concerned? No one should rely on mother's intuition. It may kick in too late.
I'm on a crusade and I hope I'm not alone. Actually, I know I'm not alone.