Thoughts on motivating children when it comes to schoolwork

The word motivate took on new meaning for me after I sat in manager meetings listening to discussions regarding motivating staff.  For me, the take-away was that managers, middle managers, what have you, should be motivating adults to work jobs for which they are very well paid. I scratched my head over that concept.

So look, I strongly encourage supportive teams, and these adults were working in supportive teams.  I believe everyone should feel comfortable and safe in the workplace.  No one should feel degraded or discouraged or that she is forced to take on huge amounts of work with no assistance.  Throughout my career, I've often faced deadlines with extremely tight time constraints.  It's commonplace in the tax world.  But there are always teams and teamwork and support.

I know working for the man isn't a walk in the park.  I survived several crappy work situations over my career.  What was my motivation?  Why did I drag myself out of bed each morning to go to work?  The most basic answer to that is money.  A paycheck.  I think back to my early days in public accounting.  What was my motivation for working 80 hour weeks, for jumping in and helping other teams when my work was finished, for ensuring my work product was top quality?  High rated employees receive better raises and bonuses.  They're promoted faster than others.  

So what changed over time?  How did we end up in manager meetings discussing ways to motivate staff?

The answer is the "I deserve" attitude.  I'm sure you've seen this and know exactly what I'm talking about.  And this isn't generational either.  I've seen it in different age groups.  It's the attitude that one deserves something without the effort.  Even though my work is mediocre, even though I can't grasp more difficult concepts, even though my work product is riddled with errors, even though I'm consistently late to work... I deserve the highest raise and bonus.  I deserve to be promoted.

I recently came across what was supposed to be a discussion on motivating kids to complete their homework and 20 minutes of reading each day.  Besides the fact that it was a lazy blog post, it triggered something in me because of my experience with adults who need to be motivated.

I don't want my kids to turn into teens, and then adults, who need to be motivated for actions which shouldn't require motivation from others.

Parenting is difficult.  I'll always be the girls' biggest and loudest cheerleader.  But I want to teach them the skills to be productive adults.  When I parent, I use not only what I've learned from my parents (the good and the bad) but also what I've gathered from life lessons and work experience.  If you've been reading here for awhile, you know we believe in a formal education and schooling.

Why do I need to do my homework?

The answer isn't "because I said so" or "because your teacher says so" or "you'll get in trouble."

We've taught the girls the importance of doing well in school.  And by "doing well" I mean doing your best.  Putting in your best effort.  I don't want my kids stressed out over grades, but they need to get that "A for effort."  They know we expect that from them and it's never really been an issue.

We've discussed how your grades will impact the classes you're placed in for middle school and high school, and your ability to get into certain colleges.  Even in elementary school, their test scores, participation and project work had an impact on which reading and math groups they were placed in, and they saw that.  They're too young to know what they want to do when they're older but I want them to understand that at some point, someone will be looking at their schoolwork.

I remember being completely blindsided in high school when class rankings were announced.  It seems like common sense, something every student realizes will happen, but I had no idea.  No one ever talked about it, even my dad, who was a teacher at that very school.  I changed my attitude about grades in college and went from being in the top 1/3 of students (high school) to graduating in the top 15 students in the business program at Northeastern.    

Establish a routine

The girls know that they need to complete their homework right when they arrive home from school.  They can have a snack first, of course.  It's a routine and it works.  Last year, there was one day a week when this wasn't possible because of dance.  We had about 15 minutes at home before we had to leave for dance and in that time they needed to eat a snack and change clothes.  They knew that as soon as we arrived home from dance, it was time for homework.

Last year, the girls were still required to read at least 20 minutes each night as part of their homework.  This we do not include with regular homework.  We established a routine of reading right before bedtime before the girls could even read, and that has stuck.  They now prefer to read before they go to sleep, and I'm okay with that.  Bedtime during the school year is also at a set time and I'm pretty strict with that.  There's no watching TV until you're half asleep and then going to bed.  I also want to note that the girls also do read outside of that bedtime reading.

I know some people don't believe in routines for children, but in my opinion, children thrive on routine.  When there's a routine, they know what to expect.  And this is coming from someone with an INFJ personality.  Routines can wear me down, but I'm an adult and I know how to work around it.

Create a supportive team

Children are less likely to want to sit down and complete homework if it's too difficult.  Our school system has a general rule of about 20 minutes per subject for homework.  So, for example, it shouldn't take your child more than 20 minutes to finish her math homework.  The teachers tell us that if our children are consistently working on math homework for more than that 20 minutes, we need to reach out to the teachers.

My kids know they can come to me for help.  Certain math topics can be difficult for Anna to process because of her shunt.  I've even had Emily and Allie explain math concepts to her because the way I learned math is not the way it's currently taught.  Over the past few years, I've often suspected that Anna becomes extremely fatigued, mentally and physically.  She doesn't say this or use it as an excuse, but I can tell by her actions.  At the end of the school year, Rich and I met with her teacher because she was seeing the same thing.  Having open communication with teachers is so important.  Over the years, it has helped us in working with Anna at home.

Limit screen time

During the school year, we have a rule of no TV Monday through Thursday.  They also cannot zone out on their kindles either.

So, yes, there are exceptions to the TV rule.  At the end of the school year, after mandatory state testing was complete and homework was no longer being assigned, there were days I allowed them to watch TV while I made dinner.  There's a local news/somewhat educational program that's on from 7:30 to 8:00 that they like to watch and because it's not a sitcom/reality show, we allow that.

When school starts back up in September, I can tell you now that there will not be any TV.  The girls will be in middle school and will have more homework, in addition to having to wake up an hour earlier than last year.

Click here to read my post on teaching kids to be successful.