One of the comments I heard over and over again after friends and family had received our Christmas card in the mail was how much older the girls looked in the photo. That was unintentional. Well, as unintentional as an image can be. The dance studio had our card hanging up in the lobby and so the topic for discussion at dance for a few weeks was how fast kids grow up. One night the girls' dance teacher, who has known them since they were little preschoolers, told me she had asked Allie if I ever tell her and her sisters to stop growing and Allie had said no. I had to think about it for a minute. Do I? I think I more reminisce on their itty bitty days which leads me to how difficult those days were and where we are now.
I loved having three snuggly, absolutely adorable, little baby girls but I also didn't sleep very much those days. When you're pregnant, everyone tells you to sleep as much as you can before the baby arrives. Pregnant with three, I didn't sleep much at all because I was constantly uncomfortable. If I wanted to move from my left to my right side in bed, I couldn't just roll over. I had to scoot and climb out of bed, rearrange the gigantic body pillow and then climb back in. I could only stay in one spot for a few hours at a time before the weight from my midsection became too much to bear and so I would have to find a new position in which to rest. Sometimes I rocked in the glider in what was supposed to have been Abigail's room and whispered to them. I wanted them to know how much I loved them in case I never was able to tell them here in this world.
Those early days were so sleep deprived and chaotic, I did look forward to the day when life would be "easier." Although, everyone with triplets will tell you that it doesn't get easier - the difficulties of multiples change with time. True. But at least I can mostly sleep through the night now. And I'm not demand feeding three infants. I never wanted to wish away time but sometimes it does feel that way. And then I read a comment from another stillbirth mom. She said she loves seeing her children grow because her daughter, who was born still, will forever be a baby. I'm so glad I happened to read this as it gave me a whole new perspective and it's so completely true. What a blessing to watch our little ones grow and shine.