Monday, February 4, 2013

A perfect storm of blah

I was feverishly pounding out a blog post on the train this morning but when I went back to re-read my words, I realized that I couldn't post it without placing my career in jeopardy.  Don't bite the hand that feeds you and your family, right?  So I'll just say this:  I need a break.  I'm drained.  Burnt out.  At wit's end.  I don't need another job.  I need a break.  I don't want to do anything.  I don't want a photography business.  I don't want a sew shop.  I want all of this stress off of my shoulders. I want nothing.

Not going to happen.

That first full week in January, I worked seven days straight.  Sunday through Saturday, including Friday, which is usually my day at home.  72 hours.  I counted.  While that week is busy every year, this year was different.  There's a lot that's different.  I fell behind at home and my super awesome I'm-going-to-get-this-entire-house-cleaned-and-organized plan was flushed down the toilet and I've temporarily given up.  I'm currently working on the girls' Valentine's Day outfits for school instead.  That's more fun than cleaning.

The push and pull between work and home is a constant struggle.

There are other factors contributing to my blahness.  Winter is at the top of that list.  I absolutely hate the cold weather.  I enjoy one good snowstorm, as long as it happens over a weekend, and then I'm done with it.  Thanks for coming.  See ya next year.  My commute to work includes a lot of outside time and I just want it to go away.

I hate being grumpy because I know I have it pretty good compared to others.  Maybe it's hormones.  (Nope, not pregnant.  That ship sailed a loooong time ago.)  I keep typing and then deleting so I'm just going to post this.  Just venting.  Keeping it real.

15 comments:

Debbie said...

I hate winter too. Hate, hate the cold. I love it when we have a white Christmas, as long as roads are clear and it doesn't stop family from making it here. But then that's it, I'm done.
I have a wonderful story to share with you...I think you would enjoy it. Let me know if there is a way I can send it to you. djhdisney@aol.com

Wendy said...

Hi...I hate the cold, too. I keep asking my husband if we can move somewhere else...California, Florida....just somewhere warmer! He keeps telling me I just have to convince my parents and sisters to move there, too.

Sounds like everything is really overwhelming right now; I'm sorry. It's got to be hard to deal with everything.

I think that winter and the cold kind of makes it all more difficult, don't you?

Stacey L. said...

I feel that I need a break sometimes too. I work at a school with kids, then come home to 4 kids and am doing online classes to get my teaching credential. I totally get it.

Mamma Sol said...

January was mean. For a lot of people. My plan is to convince February that it's his job to be an improvement on January. So far, he is not the fastest learner - but the daylight hours are longer already. And at some point, most of January's crappiness will have changed into something else. Something better. Hugs.

Michelle said...

Long-time reader, first-time commenter here. Just wanted to say I feel the same way. I spent more time working in January than I have in months. I also hate the cold. I wish I could take a break sometimes too. So just know that you're not alone. This time of year sucks! Hang in there!

kerri said...

I too, like Michelle, have been reading your blog forever but never commented but just wanted to say hang in there! I feel life everything is more stressful, overwhelming, and difficult to deal with in the winter. There is a lot to be said for the healing power of a warm sunny day for a good mood, hopefully we will get there soon. But I do want to tell you that I love, love, love watching your girls grow up. I live *somewhat* near you and have recognized several of the places that you have blogged about! Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that while the stress that you are carrying is specific to your life I think lots of people get extra overwhelmed this time of year with the cold weather. Sometimes it just helps to know that you are not alone. Hope it warms up and you feel better soon! :)

Lisa L said...

Aaahh, I hope you get some rest and have a chance to take a break. I work in accounting and this time of year is stressful, isn't it?

Karen Horan said...

ugh, I totally hear you. I am home from work today taking care of my 3 year old and 1 year old who have the norovirus. I've been emailing on my phone all day and I have a conference call that I need to be on and prepare for this afternoon while they (hopefully)sleep. There is a huge pile of gross laundry that needs to be done in the basement and all I want is a shower and a coffee and a nap (was up on night with sick kid #1) but it doesn't seem like there will be time for any of those things until maybe 10 PM tongith. No advice but I just wanted you to know that I'm listening (I love reading your blog) and if there can't be comfort for us working mothers, there is solidarity.

Anonymous said...

Longtime listener, first time caller :)
I cannot tell you how close to home this post hit. Married, mother of a vibrant 14 month old ginger boy, and corporate business professional. This is one of those weeks that I just want to cry... It started with a dinner at 8pm Sunday night (yes, Super Bowl Sunday), followed by a week long local conference, 3 other evening events, plus my 'normal' workload. Yesterday started with spilling my coffee on my blouse during daycare drop-off (thankfully scarves are in fashion and my mustard yellow scarf nicely complimented my white and blue polka dot blouse), followed by a jammed packed conf schedule/working lunch/and normal biz deliverables, rushing home to spend 90 minutes with my son prior to bedtime, and capping off the evening with a box of trisquits and my laptop. I'm sick of 15 hour work days, I'm sick of kissing my husband goodnight from the kitchen table under the glow of my laptop vs the glow of the moon, I'm sick of the tremendous mommy guilt when I think about my schedule for the remainder of the week, and I'm MOST sick of people telling me my son is young and won't remember (really, really... Those of your words of comfort; umm, I will remember). I'm not sure what the answer is... For me there is comfort knowing I'm not alone.
Signed,
Struggling as Well

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to send a big hug and let you know that I am feeling the same way - I am in the same profession as you and have twins at home. As moms we work our way through these feelings but it feels so good to vent and know we are not alone! I am going to go have some chocolate now - ha ha!

Katlyn

Farah said...

Sarah,

I'm sorry you feel this way :( I feel the same way about my job sometimes. Big hugs for you! Your girls are very lucky to have you :)

Spring will be here before we know it!

Anonymous said...

This is very bad timing - I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear right now - but FYI, I'd advise checking your twitter account, as there's a tweet you made that looks like it might be spam.

Sarah said...

Debbie - I'm going to send you an email!!!

While it's good to know that I'm not alone, I'm sorry others are struggling too. Thank you for the supportive comments.

Anon - Thanks for the twitter heads up. I caught it on the train. I've seen so much of that happening there it doesn't surprise me but how odd. It's not like I have thousands of followers.

Carrie sharedanddoubled said...

I have had so many of these same thoughts today including "don't post that--you could lose your job" and "don't quit--you just need a break." I know I just need some time to rest and balance myself out again. A warm sunny day wouldn't hurt either. Hopefully we can get what we need soon!

Anonymous said...

Come to New Zealand, its summer here :)

Lisa