Sunday, December 16, 2012

Thoughts this evening

Cece Fluffy left the girls a note late last week letting them know that Santa was going to be running some tests and if they weren't asleep in their own beds or if I was in the bed with them, he may miss them on his radar and not have presents to drop off on Christmas.  I think Emily was the only one to take the note seriously.  That night she came into our room with just Little Lion.  She usually shows up bedside with her pillow pet and an armful of buddies.  I brought her back to her bed, gave her hugs and kisses and left.  She fell back asleep.  See, Emmy.  You can do it.

Last night, I awakened to find her next to my bed holding Little Lion.  "Mommy, I want to sleep in your bed but I really want Christmas presents too."  With everything going on in my head, the last thing I wanted was to know that my 5 year old was stressed out about receiving gifts.  I sat up so that she could crawl past me and into the middle of the bed.  As I went to retrieve her pillow from her bed, she whispered, "Can you get Ginger and Spot for me too?"

Thursday morning, I woke up earlier than usual as I needed catch a different train.  As I fumbled around in the semi-darkness for my clothes, I watched Emily sleeping next to Rich.  She had her arm thrown over him with Little Lion resting on his neck.  They won't always be this little, I thought.

This weekend, I was able to hug and kiss my five year olds.  There was laughter along with tears over typical kid stuff.  We rushed around, shopping and attending parties and family gatherings.  I tried to be patient.

I know what it's like to carry a baby inside of me for 9 months only to be told that her tiny heart stopped beating before I could meet her.  I don't know what it's like to lose a child.

My house is a mess tonight.  My Christmas shopping list is still very long and unfinished. I have about 17 loads of laundry and a basket of ironing to take care of.  There are huge holes in our late purchase Christmas tree.  I'm not looking forward to the work that will greet me in the morning.  But I realize that none of this really matters.    


Anonymous said...

How very true - none of that other stuff truly matters - your posts always have a big impact on me and help pull me back to what truly matters - thank you so much - you've made a big impact on so many lives by sharing your story. Everyone needs to give their children and loved ones big bugs.


Anonymous said...

Hugs not bugs. My phone is spell correcting - ugh

Lily said...

I can't stop thinking about it either.

Sarah said...

Thanks for your comment, Katlyn. (I smiled at the bugs.)

I know, Lily. It's absolutely heartbreaking.

Anonymous said...

Very true, I know I keep telling myself this as well. I am so lucky and I know that so many hearts are aching and missing their children all around the world.