Monday, October 15, 2012

October 15th

In the tax world, the 15th of every month is a filing deadline.  Today, October 15th, my mind was on the list of tax returns that had to be postmarked with today's date.  I hate to admit this but the fact that today is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day had slipped my mind.  Honestly, everyday of my life is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.  Just like every month is Spina Bifida Awareness Month.

I haven't been talking much about Abbey here because sometimes I feel like I am repeating myself over and over again.  I will tell you this - it's a messed up way to live.  You go on vacation and you wonder if she would have liked princesses.  You wonder what school drop off and pick up would be like with a first grader and three kindergarteners.  You wonder if she would have liked gymnastics or soccer or dance or swimming or something completely different.    

Last week, Allie was holding a book with an illustration of four girls on the front.  She pointed to the girls on that book cover and said, "This one is Anna.  This one is Emily.  This one is me.  And this one is Abbey."

And then she asked, "Did God do something special for you after Abbey died by giving you three babies?"

They don't really understand God.  (I don't really understand God.)  We had a conversation months ago about how they were born after their sister and I can't even begin to understand how Allie could have processed everything to come up that question.

The girls are most definitely a gift but sometimes that's difficult to accept, especially knowing that there are so many families out there waiting for their something special.


  • Approximately 1 of every 100 to 150 babies is stillborn.  That's 26,000 babies in the U.S. alone each year.
  • A cause of death cannot be determined in approximately 1/3 of stillbirths.
  • Pregnancy loss does not discriminate.  It can happen to anyone.    

10 comments:

Jess said...

Sarah, I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I know those words mean very little. But, as a mom, my heart breaks for you that you will carry this pain all of your life. I'm just so sorry.

Michele said...

(((HUGS)))

Anonymous said...

But would you have your girls if Abbey was here today? It's hard to say. I don't believe in all that "god's plan" crap. There is no reason on earth you should have lost your child. But it is funny how life happens and the way things happen. Much love to you on this difficult day and all the others that I know are inevitable.

Chantel said...

Excellent words. You hit the nail on the head...I really appreciate the "awareness" floating around FB and the emails I have gotten, but everyday is stillbirth awareness. Sometimes....there is nothing new to say.

Wendy said...

Thinking of you. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Cindy said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I can not fathom the pain of losing a child. Sending you hugs.

I do think it is so special and important that Abbey is part of the girls lives and that they think of her as with them. Because she is.

Summer said...

The date slipped my mind too. It's strange how it just becomes part of our everyday existence. My thoughts go out to you.

Sarah said...

Thank you for the kind comments. Jess - your words do mean something.

Hope's Mama said...

Remembering your Abbey today and always. Sorry i've been quiet.
xo

Just Me said...

Most parents wouldn't talk about the baby they lost. You have amazing girls...all four of them. One was taken too early, but there is a reason for everything that happens. You are amazing parents...that's all that counts. <3