Empty stockings

It is bitter cold outside and the ground is still covered with snow from a small storm that blew through here earlier this week. A typical New England winter's day. We are rushing around in an attempt to prepare for Christmas, which is tomorrow. I've told the girls that we need to bring Abbey's stocking to her. It's a small red stocking, which will remain empty save for a small bag of coins to weigh it down.

Allie has asked me if we can bring a blankie to Abbey so that she can stay warm. The perception of a three year old can be absolutely heartbreaking. Afternoon has arrived so we all bundle up and drive over to visit Abbey. We pass three teenage boys tromping through the Little Angels section of the cemetery on their way to the small frozen-looking pond that no doubt is supposed to provide tranquility not a play area. "How stupid," I mutter under my breath. If those boys understood the sadness and heartache under their feet, they wouldn't be there.

Allie and Em follow the path made by others through the snow to where their big sister sleeps forever. We don't even need to lead them there. They know the way. Anna needs help walking through the snow. A chilly wind blows around us and Allie complains that she is cold. She has also refused to allow us to zip or button up her coat.

I survey the collection of mementos lined up behind the headstone. A reminder as to why her stocking remains empty. I cannot bear having to watch another item succomb to the elements.

As Rich helps Emily place the stocking against Abbey's headstone, I can't help but wonder what she would have wanted for Christmas. Would there been that much of a difference between her and her sisters? Allie announces that she is too cold and heads off for the van so I ask Anna and Emily to quickly say Merry Christmas to their sister. There is an engraving of an angel baby on the headstone and Em waves to it as she wishes her sister a Merry Christmas. She tells us that she wants to kiss her and leans over to kiss the angel baby.



and you asked me what I want this year
and I'll try to make this kind and clear
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
'cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
designer love and empty things
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

i need someplace simple where we could live
and something only you could give
and that's faith and trust and peace while we're alive
and the one poor child who saved this world
there's 10 million more who probably could
if we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

so take these words
and sing out loud
'cause everyone's forgiven now
tonight's the night the world begins again

i wish everyone was loved tonight
and somehow stop this endless fight
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days.



There are six stockings hanging on our mantle. Three have the letter A on them. The girls' Aunt Joan came over a few weekends ago so that Rich and I could go out for a quick lunch sans munchkins. She emailed us the next day to say that the girls had shown her Abbey's stocking. They told her how Abbey was their friend. In her email, Joan included a link to a heartbreaking article she had read on boston.com that morning. I don't want to copy and paste as Rich has already done so. You can click here to read it.

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Lyrics by John Rzeznik
Better Days performed by the Goo Goo Dolls
Credit where credit is due.