Thoughts from 2017

2017 marked my first full year at home and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it.  Here and there I'm asked if I miss work.  I have trouble responding because it's such a complex answer.  I do not miss my commute, the delayed and canceled trains, the long walk to and from the train station in rain, arctic blasts, sleet, ice and snow.  I do miss my reading time on the train.  I easily averaged a book a week, which is what I'm reading now at home, but now I sometimes feel like I have to carve out time to read and sometimes I should be doing other things instead of reading.  I miss my work friends, but I don't miss the politics.  I don't miss the feeling of being "on call" during sick days or vacation.  I don't miss that "you work for the man" feeling.  Mostly I miss using my mind.

Aside from the time before and after the girls were born, I've always worked full time.  Believe me, it was an easy transition to stay at home mom life, a huge weight lifted my shoulders, but a part of me feels weird not contributing to the household financially.  I have an odd, complicated relationship with money.  Well, maybe it's not that odd or complicated; I like to hoard it.  I feel like the house should be spotless at all times but yet, I don't particularly enjoy cleaning.  I don't really enjoy cooking either.  Yeah, the two main functions of a stay at home parent.  I feel that if I'm the parent at home, I should be doing those tasks, not Rich.

As women, we're lead to believe that we can have it all.  And maybe some do.  But sometimes we can't without feeling like a mental case.  I spent a lot of time this past year reflecting on what I want to do and I really couldn't come up with an answer.  Why do I have to do anything?  It's self-imposed, part of that work ethic I was raised with.  Last year, I came to the conclusion that I don't have to do anything right now.  I left work to make life less stressful for all of us.  Why add stress back?  The girls are still young but in a few short years, life will be different.  At the end of the day, I have to think about the most important outcome of staying at home - more time with my family.

2017 was a big year for us with the purchase of our cottage on Cape Cod.  This had been a dream of ours for a very long time and it was exciting to make it come true.



We spent as much time as we could down the Cape, and we did get away for a little bit of travel and fun throughout the year.

Great Wolf Lodge



Maine (more photos here)



Washington, DC (you can read our travel journal here and here and here)



Michigan



2017 was a good year.  I can only hope that 2018 is even better.  Happy New Year!