We pulled into the drop off lane in front of school the other morning two minutes after the doors had opened. Students have ten minutes to enter and then they are considered tardy. I always wait to ensure the girls have safely crossed the bus lane before I pull away from the curb. Some students who ride the bus were still making their way to the entrance and I watched the girls meet up with a friend in Anna's class. This particular friend was in Emily's first grade class and Allie's third grade class so she's well aware of the whole triplet thing. I watched her point first to Anna, then Emily with a smile on her face. She's trying to guess who is who, I realized.
The guessing game isn't new and I don't know that it will end anytime soon. I'm often asked how I tell the girls apart. I'm their mom, I just know. But then I point out obvious physical differences. The birthmark on a jawline. One without her ears pierced. Sometimes it's hair length - not so much anymore. Or missing teeth - that one was only good for a limited time. Kids surprise me. They come up with such insightful observations. The shape of someone's eyes or nose, for example. To others, there are variations that perhaps I don't really notice because of how familiar the girls' features are to me.
I'll never know what it's like to have an identical sibling. And not just one identical sibling, but two. I don't even know what it's like to have a sister. I do know there are good days and there are tough days. Days when one wants to be the only one in dance or the only one being praised for a good grade or the only one wearing her own clothes. There are days when they hug, comfort, cuddle and support each other. But then two minutes later, someone won't leave someone else's stuffed animals alone.
I'm in the middle of it every day so while I can't claim to personally experience it, I get it. They want to be recognized as individuals. And they are, but sometimes it's overlooked in the chaos. Sometimes there's an internal struggle that need not exist. It's self created. They need to release it on their accord. It can't be forced. They'll figure it out.
This life is the only one they've ever known. Three of everything. Three together. It's difficult to see how special that is when it's all you know. You'll always have a friend
These are the only siblings you'll ever have. Love your life. You are so very blessed.
10 comments:
I'm curious if you've read the second Multiples Illuminated book? I read on another ID triplet blog that the author doesn't advocate for forced individuality of multiples. (The blogger has all three of her school-aged kids in the same class, dressing the same, participating in the same activities, blog posts are always about all three, etc.)
I've always found your deliberate attempts at individuality successful, so I'm curious about your thoughts on the book and that part specifically. For me, I have fraternal twin boys. They look like nothing more than brothers, so it's an easier battle, but I'm pretty passionate about them being separate.
My thoughts on that section of the book is that while parents and family certainly know multiples as unique and different, the world may not. It's our responsibility to not let people lump them together as a unit and be too lazy to get to know them separately.
I interviewed a triplet once for work (I do celebrity interviews; she's on an Amazon tv show) and she said how difficult it was sometimes growing up with her own friends unable to recognize who she was. She told a story once about going on a date in place of her sister as a joke and how disheartening it was that the guy didn't even notice--they had left the house and had driven away before she said something. She said it seemed like a funny idea at first but realizing that your own friends (and dates) don't know who you are is really hard. Your story about the girls' friend trying to guess which was which made me think of the story and how that seems like a really difficult thing to have to live through.
I've followed your blog for several years. My oldest children are also triplet girls, now six years old. I see that need for individuality beginning to grow more, but at the same time they hate being away from each other. The dynamics are so interesting to see and be involved with, as it's so different from my own childhood. It is a blessing, though. I'm glad all of my children will always have each other, and especially those three.
When did they get their ears pierced? Do they take of the piercings themselves, or do you?
I couldn't imagine trying to keep them all the same - same class, same clothes, same activities. Even though they're kids, they want to dress separate and make sure everyone sees them as individuals. A few years ago, I asked them if they wanted to be in the same class (b/c they were moving up to another school) and they said no. I had the option of keeping Emily and Allie in the same tap class as Anna this year or moving them up to the next level. (Anna hasn't tapped for as long as they have.) Even though it means an extra night of dance, I moved them up b/c I didn't think it would be fair to keep them from advancing.
The good thing is that their close friends can tell them apart. If Allie were to go over to Emily's BFF's house for a playdate and pretend to be Em, the BFF would know right away that she was Allie.
Ears were pierced two months ago. I've been helping (more so when they were first pierced and needed to be cleaned daily), but they want and try to do it on their own. We've had a few minor infections - one did necessitate a visit to urgent care while we were away from home - so I need to be involved.
I always tell my kids how lucky they are to have each other, they are 22 months apart and are actually close playmates and friends. I really want them to grow up close. My brother and I were 6 years apart, boy/girl so never were very close. I want them to know how lucky they are to have each other. But I know personalities and life gets in the way. I am glad they have each other now.
Which one didn't want their ears pierced? Did they say why? Just curious!
Chantel - They'll always have each other!!!
Anon - Emily didn't want her ears pierced. Said she didn't want holes in her ears. They had them done at the pediatrician's office. I told her if she changes her mind, I'll bring her when she's ready.
I can easily tell them apart and I am surprised others can't. I used to use the partings in their hair, but they look so different from each other now (to me) that I find it quite easy to! Haha. Maybe in real life, it's harder?
I've been reading since they were toddlers (and, oh, what adorable toddlers they were!). You used to label the pictures with their names when they were little, which you don't do much now. But I still am pretty sure I can tell who is who. Anna has very unique eyes, and Emily's face is fuller than Allie's. (is that right??) All three are beautiful!
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